Can we say the same about our relationships?

Return on Relationships!

Return on relationships, generally a measure of professional success, is a value (perceived & actual) generated over time through connections, trust, loyalty, respect, etc. Counseling psychologists have been inspired by this term, using it to account for successful relationships. However, we aren’t inclined to define our relationships in corporate terminology. We feel it’s impersonal, technical, unfeeling. Is it, though?

When a professional venture fails, we say, “Oh, I gave it my all!” or “I invested so much into this…” or “I put in everything…”. These phrases indicate a transaction gone wrong. They are also applicable when one is considering a professional change. Can we say the same about our relationships? Yes! Does an unwelcome change in professional status produce equivalent distress as relationship status? Not always! Is it unfeeling? Absolutely not!

Relationships are interactions between two people with a give-and-take of emotional connection, physical availability, mindfulness, support, trust, respect, loyalty, etc. Did we notice that the terms – connection, trust, loyalty, respect, and contentment – are shared between business and personal life? Is it still unfeeling? Not really!

Transactions can elicit an emotion, so it is all right to look at relationships transactionally. It’s not tawdry, nor does it take the emotion out of it. A vital advantage of this outlook is that it brings clarity to the situation and makes things a little simpler.

A profession is deemed successful when there is a degree of happiness, general well-being, authentic environment, and contentment, all indicative of a high ROR. Can we say the same about relationships? Yes! We want an incremental return for our investments, at work, and in our lives. The measurable outcome might differ, but the desirability quotient is the same.

Unfortunately, 100% of failed relationships have one thing in common – a low ROR – which means there is a disparity between our (emotional) investment and returns. One of the factors indicating a low ROR is miscommunication, which leads to misunderstanding. It can result in unfulfilled expectations. These may breed mistrust, causing uncertainty and eventually a breakup.

According to a Forbes global survey, two out of three legally separated couples have cited lack of communication as a primary cause behind their divorce. A Times Group (India) analysis indicates that miscommunication is the #1 cause of breakups and #2 cause behind divorces.

A straightforward solution to this seemingly oversimplified but complex chain of events is conversation. How, though? By communicating the unvarnished truth about your needs & expectations and affording your partner the same courtesy. Be self-aware. Be clear. Be precise. Be assertive. Listen to understand. And understand well to apply well. Also, don’t forget to be polite.

We cannot ask for something we are unaware of. If we are never asked, we cannot provide. If our professional life has clearly defined expectations from us, and so do we from it, then why can’t we say the same about our relationships?

I hope this highlights a different perspective to create awareness. Failing that, this article may help you have one less argument!